21.

i don't know why, but i always make a big deal of my birthday ): 

i know, it's bad. so unhealthy, so ungodly, so worldly, so-shldn't-be. 

but i can't go by the days before my birthday not knowing what fun things i'm going to do that day, and not having things planned for me to look forward to something.

ew. i'm such a spoilt brat. 

but you probably know that by now already. 

haha. even as i'm writing this, i'm feeling so ... dots. lol. it's so childish and immature of me to worry about such insignificant matter. 

but why 偏偏 i still let these thoughts preoccupy me? 

haha. is it just me, or the fact that.. i'm turning TWENTYONE. 

actually, it's just satan. 

so what do people do when they turn 21? 

duh. they drink. 

but i'm not like every person who gets pleasure and satisfaction in taking shots of alcohol ):

so what if i'm 21? 

boo. the biggest reason why i won't drink is because i hate destroying my body. 

i want my liver to function even when i'm on my death bed. 

and i can't ever give way for 'fetal something syndrome' for my baby in the future! 

that's how important my health is. 

even though there are so many times i could not help it but gave in to chips and cheetos ):

haha. you must be snickering right now, thinking how ridiculous i am for being me. 

well, you're right, so i won't argue. 

seriously, my days of being TWEN-TEEN is almost over. 

boo-hau to the cruel, unprotected, harsh reality in the adult world.

yet hooray to a step closer to finding love, career, children, and God. 

i always say that huh? but until now, i haven't even experienced what it is to be loved by a man. 

seems like every friend i have is either married, engaged, or seeing someone. or the very least, talking to someone (they like). 

and me? 

i was told by God to be obedient and wait "a little longer".

well, you know how God works with his time. 

it's different from our measure of time!

God's "a little longer", is Cindy's "eternity future". 

This is how miscommunication occurs between God and I-- The lack of trust, faith, and not believing. 

In fact, that 3 things are probably the root of all problems between and among people. 

anyhow, God wants me to wait a tat bit longer. 

but He doesn't know how i yearn so much for courtship. 

): 

boo. 

by the time "the time comes", everything is so rushed that there isn't a necessity for courtship because usually in the church life u don't need to date. so i'd probably be off married to some brother after spending 3 weeks of starbucks. and if i'm lucky, another week at coffee bean. 

oh wells. all these anxiety and all wouldn't at all matter no more after i faithfully go through my 2 years of bible school. because at then, these things would no longer be my concern or focus.

what exactly am i beating about the bush about? 

oh. just random. but. is it really really really really abnormal to admire someone for so long?

is it really really a huge unforgiveable, disgusting crime to like someone who barely knows of your existence? ):

you know who i'm talking about. 

but it's really inevitable that he pops in my mind so very often at very random times. 

yes, i should pray. 

but do you think because we are obviously from different planets, so i should give that teeny bit of hope up? ): 

boo. 

if there's one thing i want for my 21'st birthday, is for him to wish me a happy birthday.. 

moments that live

awww~ that was a beautiful day :)

thank you sisters.

好朋友！毕业了。

my dear cousin and sister sia lee came to visit!

this is why i love them :) 

haha. just kidding. you don't think i'm really that shallow, DO you?

anyhow, amen for them! :) 

31st July

For some reason or another, everything falls on July 31st: 

1) FTTA Application Deadline

2) Sayuri leaves for France.

3) Elaine leaves for Singapore. 

4) Korean Final

5) Work

6) Harry Potter's birthday.

Other reasons that may very well ALSO fall on July 31st:

1) Sherry leaves for San Jose to be with her <3 

2) Her <3>3) My favorite Japanese restaurant is unexpectedly closed for the day

4) or. It's open but there's a long line and I have to wait for an hour to eat fresh fish. 

5) or. It's open and I don't have to wait but I am not craving rubbery fresh fish. 

6) or perhaps I crave for the real upper class ZAGAT rated dining place but I have ...

a. no one to dine with me

b. no time to dress up

c. no mood to go

d. no $$ to spend

e. nothing to look forward to. 

7) or. everything works out and I finally set off and there's an accident on the highways and thus traffic. 

there you go. 7 other possible unexpected events to come. 

refuse to continue with my list. but :) as long as i know each passing year brings me closer to meeting my knight and my clinic. 

The Mango Returns

Take #1

Take #2 

Take #3

Hi debora :) above is not the dilemma i said i'll blog about. but anyhows,  i'm just in the mood to tell you about this particular short story that happened! 

so as you can see, the mango returns! 

as you read this, you probably already have a few questions lined up in your head ready to ask me. don't worry, i've put it in words all nicely for you: 

1) "Omg Cindy. How did you feel?" (Before you met him) 

2) "... How did you feel?" (When you are with him) 

3) "... How are you feeling... now?" (Now that you have seen him) 

4) "... so.. what's next? what's gonna happen?" 

5) ".. do you.. do you... ?" (Did you mean whether I still... *ahem* him?) 

it's so funny. i used to like him so much :) 

holding a torch for him for months, but he never liked me that way. 

and because of physical separation, we both no longer exist in the same time, on the same land, with the same schedule anymore. 

you saw how happy i was when he emailed me even if it was only 2-3 sentences after 2-3 weeks.

and you saw how sad i was when i saw that a new girl has entered his life.

and i was never anything special, because truly, it was "out of sight, out of mind". 

anyways. i happily moved on with my life! :)

and then 2 years later. 

The Mango Returns. 

it was only for 2 days though. and we barely spent time to reminisce over the years. 

we met for a quick dinner and he had to catch a bus to go to san jose. 

what can we catch up about in such a short time? 

indeed, there wasn't much updating between us. 

but all i know was that.

the feeling that i had 2 years ago when were spending time as friends, 

IS the same feeling i had a week ago when i met him for that few hours. 

nothing seemed to be different. 

i felt so secure in his presence :)

it's like.. for the past 2 years in LA, i've not gotten that feeling from anybody, at all. 

it's so funny. 

i really like the 'me' with him. 

cause i felt so rested, and in peace. like there's nothing to worry about. 

and it was at that moment that i was reminded again, why i used to like him so much. 

cause he's just unique that way! 

but don't get me wrong. 

i no longer like him that way, or wait for him that way. 

the moment i let him go, i literally, and really, let him go. 

i really really appreciate him as a friend. 

and as someone who made a difference in my life :)

he genuinely cared, and i owe him a debt. 

how can i not tell him about the person who loves me the most?

so i gave him a tract, and wrote to him about the precious one :) 

The one that loves me, loves him too!

pray for him kay. 

i really really want him to get to the full knowledge of the truth. 

i feel like all these time when we were friends, he helped me so much but i couldn't do anything to help him. he has so much problems that he kept it all to himself. 

he doesn't tell me all those, but i hope he can see that there's someone he can depend on for the rest of his life. 

:)

awww deb. you know how i feel right? 

the right way? 

i'm so burdened for him. 

you know he's the only guy good to me. genuinely. 

:)

i believe you know what i mean. 

i owe him so much. 

and i can only give him Christ. 

<3

DEBORA SUTJIAWANG! 

I LOVE YOU A LOT A LOT! :) 

Anws, below are some pictures from Spring Break way down SOUTH:  

pretty, isn't it? :)

people in the south fishes and park boats behind their houses.

the shortest verse in the bible.

everything is BIG in TEXAS.

250 pounds of crawfish we ate that night ;) 

saints are so precious.

lunch break.

brothers and Bops.

us and Bops :) 

not frozen yoghurt, but FROZEN CUSTARD!

f i n a l s

hello there :) 

i miss you. miss dee dee land. miss writing, miss overflowing, miss my imagination. 

i miss you. 

真的。 

so i just finished 2 hardcore finals today. 

1) Mathematical Linguistics

2) Abnormal Psychology

#1 is draining because it's all about proofs and theorems in languages. it's like math on english. 

and it's definitely far from what my brain can do. but oh am i glad it's over :D 

i closed my book and am not opening it ever again. 

#2 is another tiring class because of T.M.I (too much information), and it's definitely not something you can read casually in starbucks and expect to score in your multiple choice. 

my professor is a fan of details and cases and statistics and again, i say, details. with that, he applies that to many problems in abnormality. anyways, i can't think on top of my head like this right now. head hurts. especially after only having slept 2.5hrs last night. 

i have an 8am final. and guess what time i woke up?

many guessed 7:30am. 

nope. it's 7:45am! 

okay. 15minutes is not that a big of deal you may think, but. DANG. 

brush teeth, wash face, pick clothes, put them on, tie hair, put slippers on, make sure every thing's in my bag, and zooom* to school i went. 

omg. the whole embarrassment in front of hundreds of people, charging from the door to the podium to take my 60 questions and scantron. 

dang. my brain hurts. 

too early for my cells to function. 

and my poor brain probably took it's glucose from the chicken i ate at 3:30am , the hour i stayed up TRYING HARD to finish a line. 

anyways. i have one more tomorrow morning. 

don't know why i choose to blog at this unearthly moment, but :)

i miss you. 

why do we like the people we like.

why do we like the people we like? 

2009

Coming back from Asia, I feel like I am .. quite a different person. 

I hate LA, and everyone knows that. 

I used to dwell in bitterness thinking "why this?" "why that?" 

I can't find happiness and felt worst after a whole roundabout search for vanity. 

I felt sad that no matter how hard I tried, I still can't be happy. 

I felt frustrated that my enjoyments of the Lord is very much temporary. 

I am mad at myself for feeling so out of place. 

I can't get over the fact that I chose to be in LA, and I thought it was His will. 

I hated my life. 

But 2009 gave me a different perspective. 

Not that everything I said has a 360 degrees change, but just the fact that..

right now, I learnt to accept my unhappiness. 

Does that even make sense to anybody? haha. 

Well, what I'm trying to say is that..

It's ok to be unhappy. 

Yes, It's okay to be unhappy. 

Again, what I mean is.. "Why must I be happy all the time?" 

It's perfectly okay to be unhappy. 

It's okay that life is not perfect.

It's okay that nothing goes my way and everything falls apart. 

It.

is.

Okay. 

And because of that simple "realization", I lived a happi-ER life. 

just. with. the. simple. way. of.. ACCEPTING. 

It's a precious lesson to me, learning to accept. 

I remember a verse saying how we should learn/know how to be content, and to be abased, to be xxx, and yyy. something like that (: HAHA. Oh Lord. 

yes, that verse. 

I just want to be Thankful. 

Thankful for everything. 

Thankful to whatever and however the Lord has placed me in. 

=D 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, I know many of you want to know what happened to Onion. 

I prayed about him a lot. Brought him up to the Lord, a lot. (especially when I was in Asia, away from him) 

I told the Lord how I hated things to be a "Grey Area". I totally hate that. 

I told the Lord that I want things to be clear. And I need something to be done. For me to know what His will IS, for me. 

And Amen, yes, it SURE was painful to know, but AMEN AMEN =D 

Amen that right then when I landed in LA, something happened and I knew, at that point, 

that the Lord says, "Cindy, He is NOT my will for you." 

Desperate for comfort, I dialed numbers to reach my family and friends, but hardly anyone picked up. Then, I really took the opportunity to turn to the Lord for my real comfort.

I called on His name from deep within, and out loud (i really did. cus i was desperate for comfort, and calling His name was the only way.) And in about 10 minutes, my pained emotions were subdued. 

After that, .. I did not look at the brother as "that special someone" anymore. 

(: 

my strayed heart was brought back to the Lord. 

This experience helped me to be so quiet before the Lord, and listen intently to what He has got to say. Honestly, i just received a call from that brother right when I landed, and THAT VERY 1st SENTENCE he said to me, WAS, God's speaking "He's not The One for you, Cindy." 

first rainy day

yes, today is the FIRST rainy day in Los Angeles, 25 November 2008. 

the sisters came up with an 'activity'. basically you randomly pick out a name from a basket, and then that name is the very person that you would be showering with random notes/little gifts here and there for a few weeks UNTIL the day of the FIRST RAIN. yes, so all the sisters took part in this and it was really sweet. random days when i got home from a really hard day i see a note on my table, other days i receive a kiwi gummy or a pretzel packet. and for my 'secret person', i would give her favourite snacks and leave a note or 2 on her desk to encourage her for the day/week. that was what happen for a few weeks now among the sisters, until today, when it rains, that we have to prepare for a final gift to give that person, and of course, finally everyone and their 'secret sister givers' are revealed. 

it was a very pleasant and sweet experience, and afterwards we sisters just linger and sing and really PRAYED OURSELVES INTO GOD. When i say praying ourselves into God, i mean really opening up our mouths and shouting words of praise and singing songs and hymns and spiritual songs and just really was BESIDE OURSELVES, as we shouted "Hallelujahs" and was really jumping in joy in our Spirit. it was, a taste of the New Jerusalem. really. it was a beautiful sight, God-men. mini NJ. 

(: 

OH LORD JESUS. 

but i cried. just because i have such a hardened heart. my heart is as hard as diamond. and NOTHING. nothing can break it, but diamond itself. and the diamond is but the Lord himself. 

i felt the piercing, the cutting, the slaying of myself as I say my "amens" to the sisters' prayers, as I exercised my spirit and prayed into God, as I just shout "Jesus is Lord!" My tears flowed like a never ending storm. I was in repentance to the Father, repenting of my hardened heart, of my stubborn self, of my unwillingness. yet, i just can't. get over the fact that i can't be close to the sisters just like i'm close to my cousins and the bay area saints. why? 

)': 

Lord Jesus. 

I just can't open up. I just can't. 

I'm bitter that no families or trainees come to me. 

And I'm just stubborn like this to leave it as it is. I am not active to GO to them. 

It's against my morals, or my beliefs, or just, my self, my own hard self. 

Lord Jesus. 

I need you. I need you. I NEED YOU. I NEED YOU. I NEED YOU. 

I Need companions. I need to grow. I need to, Lord. 

OH LORD JESUS. 

OH LORD JESUS. 

I really need so much of you. 

what a week! (;

Jump up high! (:

hot pot with the sisters (:

men in black.

Stephanie's birthday.

REALLY delicious.. bacon?

Beets Appetizer.

Pumpkin ravioli

Monk Fish, my main course (:

Dessert!

The Sisters (:

jubilee =D

The morning revival for these past 2 weeks have been "The Jubilee". Yet, ironically, people are going through the hardest, and the most difficult times. Yes, that's right. Outwardly, it's really a disaster. Our outward situation will just be the way it horribly has been, or even,.. worse! (: But i so enjoyed that we have another realm we can immediately enter into, and it's a matter of whether we're willing or not.
Past weeks I've been very stubborn, very bitter, very miserable, very opinionated, and really strong in self.
1) Wanted the photojournalism internship, but got into the New Media department.
2) and just many other little things that didn't happen.
but then, again, as i mused upon my bitterness, i realized i haven't asked myself ..
WHAT THE LORD HAS DONE.
and then when i look back, i realized maybe he purposed something else in my other internship.
aparently, a dear brother and yongjae are both in this department.
even though i really just want to be in Photojournalism and heck about other, but i realized that these few weeks of training has made me closer to my friends in a very normal and appropriate way. The world of journalism is very complicated and very 'wordly'. And I am VERY glad, VERY very glad, to have this brother in this with me cus it brings me back to the Lord when I get too into my work. (knw wht i mean? it's like.. you feel comforted)
Then, yongjae. I just hope through this, the brother might be able to help me bring yongjae into the churchlife. And, through this opportunity, Yongjae and I developed a real friendship. It's not like those friendship in quotation marks, but i really meant, friendship.
I care for yongjae in a way God cares for him, and I really want him to know the Lord.
(:

oh lord. just so exposed.
all these while i've been focusing on WHAT HE HAS NOT DONE IN and FOR ME.
but what about WHAT HE HAS DONE.

O how shallow i've been.
indeed.

Today, i just had the best time releasing the Christ prisoned inside of me.
I wanted to break from my cycle of poverty, and enter into the RICHES OF CHRIST!
Enter into that land flowing with milk and honey.
O Lord Jesus!! O Lord Jesus. OH LORD JESUS. How we need to really CALL OH LORD JESUS.
LORD SAVE US.
Save us from the bondages of this world, particularly our anxiety.

I never really realize what a sinner I was, until I realized again, today, that Anxiety itself, is a sin.
What a wretched man I am, a terrible sinner.
OH LORD HOW WE NEED YOUR DYNAMIC SALVATION.
seriously.
Don't we all sin? Aren't we all terrible sinners?
Sinning all the time as we start getting anxious over one thing and another.
Oh Lord.
Brother Dick said ".. a new pimple" (HAHA)
and yea, that's right. we humans are anxious over EVERYTHING.

school, work, family, friends, health, resume, future, finance, world situation, election, ...

indeed, just everything else. we are worry freaks! hahar.
Oh lord forgive us.

Today, one thing i really enjoyed is that His WILL for us, is for us to
1) always rejoice
2) unceasingly pray
3) in everything give thanks

amen. Oh Lord Jesuuuusssss. OH LORD JESUS! We Love You.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lord Jesus. dear friends. i've been bothered by something recently.
i think im growing feelings for somebody, but i need you to pray for me (:
cus i don't want to dwell in this emotion if he is not the one.
know what i mean? )':
and plus, i don't see him at all, except randomly.
but in those random times that we met, it was really so heart-melting.
maybe it's just me. you know how i melt for nice people, so easily xD
haha. no brainers. lol. well, for brothers, though..
cus you know how i always hold a special room for brothers (:
because they are those separated from the world, loving the Lord, going through the same Christian Fever as I am, experiencing the cleansing of leprosy, and the healing of our sight.
Oh whee~~! What vision so in unison.
How can I not fall for a brother if he's so good to me?
How can you not fall for the Lord when he's just oh so good to you? (:
hee.
Nothing is happening now. But what's happening IS that I,.. I dwell in this thought.
It's not .. okay ):
I do not want to be in this position. at all.
because it's so tiring,.. like how "I live my life ON his text, ON his call, ON his response"
(not like i'm living like that now, cus there's NOTHING going on) haha.
cus again, it's just.. random times.
so.. in a nutshell,
i'm living on OUR random times.

everyday waiting for a 'Random' is really hard, dude.
xP

so, if you remember me sometimes, just mention me in your prayers yea? (=
i love you all.
thank you!

why am i still blogging?

350am -- 刚刚写完作文. Oh My 天.

i'm so sleep deprived )':

sob

sob

sob

sob

sob

sob

sob

SCHEDULE FOR TMR
class at 9am- 1pm
tutoring at 3-5pm
club meeting at 530-7pm

today was the craziest day of this week so far.
(had 听写 and psych midterm)
class from 830am -2pm
tutoring 230-5pm
ucla newspaper board meeting 8-9pm
做作文: rest of the time

weak in my knees

cindy 真的需要知足..

my weakness is that i get upset really easily.
maybe i shouldn't be so sensitive.
maybe i should deal with myself.
maybe it's totally my problem.
but why do i feel i'm always led on?

1) when people say 'will call you back', but never did.
2) when people say 'i love you', 'i care for you', 'i will do anything for you', but when you just want them to listen, they don't, but they scoffed. they say all these sweet somethings and you really think they genuinely care for you but it's all BULL S*IT! it's all BS.
they say all these nice things but it's never meant to work in reality.
really.
maybe because you know me, know that im emotional, so maybe you think im being overly sensitive, but really. really.. really. please trust me that i'm not making things up. but these people who said words of sweet nothings do exist. and this happens to me, alot.
i don't want to remember all the bad things. because if i do, i can never ever open up to them.
but one very very simple example recently.
i burnt my hands really badly and she asked me wht's wrong?
and i told her i burnt my hands and that they're still prickling.
she was like "awwwwww. poor cindy."
"how?"
" blah blah boiling soup-bowl-holding bowl-hecka hot-didn't let go-spilled-then put on table"
then, ..THEN,
"did you burn the table?"

er.

yarh. call me sensitive.
but after that, the conversation ends.

sigh. that's why. that's why i would rather people not tell me they love me care for me and all that when they don't justify their words with actions.
i seriously don't require HUGE actions.
but its just.. simple things. its the simple thingss. IT REALLY IS.

another incident:
"Cindyyyyyyy! it will be very different w/o you. please commmeeeee"
好不容易, 我終于去了.
but the whole time i was left alone.
i really don't understand.
i'm just so frustrated with myself why i can't be more ROCK-HEART. really.
and i can't really tell anyone in person, or have a shoulder to cry on, literally, cus no one in LA understands. everybody's relationship to me is just that Candy-coated sweetness. But there isn't any reality.
The people that ended up comforting me are those further away.

I can't live everyday in this superciality.
Isn't there anyone, really?

sigh.

Because of my situation, i am so much more vulnerable in terms of guys.
Recently I have been so good with myself, keeping myself very into school and work and school and work and school and internships. 'busy' is the word.
everyday i have a crazy schedule to follow.
was very very content with my life. just want to be away from 'GUYs' and what comes with it.
i know my weakness and i don't want to fall for someone who's not whom im supposed to fall for.
i don't want to depend on a phone call or a text message or a lunch time to be happy.
i don't want to wait for a stupid-never-to-come call/text msg/lunch/dinner.
i don't want to live the way i did before, waiting foolishly.
blinded.
no more.
i want to live my own life.
i see how sisters and friends cry their eyes out for a Guy, and i really don't want to be in that position.
i've cried too much for people (Girls and Guys) who led me on.
i want to look away from 'G' until it is the right time for me to start something.
cus if i were to fight it, fight against what's predestined, i will get nothing by defeat, and pain.

yes, so i was very content with how my life goes.
cus i no longer have adrenaline rushes for anyone, and i have no strings attached with anyone.

but.
but. satan knows his stuffs.

if he send a brother to me, i would fall.

am i that weak?

yes.

a brother who asked me "are you cold?"
a brother who was so excited and said "yay! i got cindy's # now! i got cindy's # now!"
and he who got my msn said he would add me that night.
and he who would take initiative to offer to carry my books,
and he who persuaded me not to walk home at night alone because he didn't want to lose a sister,
that he would walk me instead.

i would fall.
not fall in love, but just .. he got my attention now.

but how genuine is a person?
only the Lord knows.
and i know these kind of brothers are the best in making millions of sisters fall for him but it's all..just his sweet talking. I know many like that. And it's always best to double your armor to these kinds of brothers.

i don't want to be stupid and fall for all these words of sweet nothings.
(even though that brother supported his words with actions)
but yar. Guard my Heart is what i should do.

title here.

those are not in my application portfolio, but i would like to share them with youuu! (:

so pretty right (: hahar.

anws! have you ever met someone exactly like you? or someone just like you in so many ways?

well, i think i've come to know of someone who's so like me in 'bubbliness' and 'corniness' lol.

but i wonder whether is it opposites who attract? or birds of the same feather flock together?

weird.

i don't know this person personally, but through friends' talking.

and he? i don't see how he would know me, so let's stick to 'he doesn't know me'.

hahar.

why do i make it sound like he MAY know me? LOL.

dude.

ANWS. just cus ive heard so much about him. it makes me so curious.

and friends just tell me how we will definitely hit it off well as good friends. hahar.

cus we're 'dumb' that wayy. and just really.. ourselves. hahar.

AWW. but yea.

enough of that. it's just very funny cus i saw him few days ago.

AND-KNEE-WAYS..

yongjae's birthday was last week, and i was shocked that he didn't blow his bday candle yet when i texted him after small group. (at 1015pm)

and i felt so DANG for him though.

so i went to Ralphs and bought a birthday balloon with a transparent container attached to its bottom and put a cupcake inside with its candles and made a happy birthday poster with the instructions of what to do with the things i gave him.

basically, cus Ralphs didn't sell matchsticks, i have to buy yellow paper and cut them into flames and tape it to the candles to make it .. 'flames', for him to blow.

so i wrote a huge poster of 'happy birthday yongjae' and below i wrote the instructions:

-1:

0: light the candles

1: wish yourself a happy birthday

2: sing yourself a birthday song

3: make 3 wishes

4: blow the candles

5: eat the 'cake' and disgest them

6: smile, and.. smile broader.

7: resume what you're doing.

the instructions goes something like that.

lol.

so i left those at his door at 11:50pm and just text messaged him to come out. LOL.

and so.. that was his happy birthday (:

AM I SO SWEET! gosh. hahar.

beyond a smile

how do you like this picture? (:

for some reason, i just love it love it love it.

the composition of it, the contrast, the reflection, the shade, the content and subject (=

this was one of the photos i include in my application portfolio.

during the interview, the photo editors asked me to select my best 5 out of my 20.

this picture was my top5/6.

you are wondering what's my first pick, aren't you? hahar.

it's the photo of me in a black dress in vancouver granville island.

that was a masterpiece, totally.

then the next 2 are my 'lampstands' shot.

i will consider on uploading them here.

and the other one is the ballerina shot.

(:

amen that the interview went so well, i am so happy beyond a smile.

results will be posted on thursday in front of their office.

just keep praying lo!

and i really THANK all YOU beloved saints and friends for helping me go through this.

this means so much to me.

yea. .

#2

MY LOVELY DEBORA! THANK YOU FOR CALLING ME. LOL.
i was seriously going to post a blog ESPECIALLY asking you to call me =)
hahar. that was why i was amazed to how you know.
AND-KNEE-WAYS, ..

ice was asking me what's wrong, and she told me people around our age (20) can only be troubled by 2 things: 1) Relationships (all kinds) and 2) Failure.
LOL. it's SO TRUE ok. hahar. well, this time for me, is #2 #2 #2!!! OH LORD!
one of my friend told me not to want something too badly/to hold onto something so tightly.
because that way it increases the chance of losing it.
well, you know, we hear all the time 'the fastest way to lose sth is to want it so badly'.

my day today was such a close call. almost lost the chance of turning in my application.
then the rest of the day i was just holding onto my tiny samsung phone, constantly sliding it to check of missed calls. yes, missed calls from the photojournalism department wishing me congratulations you're scheduled for an interview! ='(
but no eh..
没有.

well, there's always email. and i kept logging onto my ucla mail, refreshing my inbox like never before. but same thing, nothing.

WELL, there's always tomorrow, right? (:

life.
just when i found something i am SO PASSIONATE about, it's ... like.. so out of reach =P
wait till i tell you what happened today.
sigh! hahar.

but anyways. today i met someone i never expect to meet. just cus we weren't meant to know each other. hahar. but oh wells.
i wonder whether i will have a second time.


(;

7 things for today

#1 I LOVE THIS SONG.
I want Nobody nobody but you..
Nandareun sarameun shi-reo niga animyeon shi-reo ~~!!

#2 PHOTOGRAPHY PHOTOGRAPHY PHOTOGRAPHY!
I got to get the Photojournalism Internship!!
=)
You probably already heard it from me like, A LOT. cus, I REALLY WANT IT.
This photography thing is driving my life these days.
yea. LORD! I'm sorry.

#3 SO EXCITED to start my babysitting job next week!
US$13 (: Need to save $$ for crisis period.

#4 NOT excited for high-school tutoring.. zzz*

#5 UCLA Ling club, "Bling" was a success today! yay (:

#6 Love my Chinese 101 class.
I MISS CHINESE!! xD

#7 My mind's still all on that Photography Internship.
7.1 I dreamt of nicholas yesterday )':
I must really miss my days as a childcare teacher..
Awww NICHOLASSS!! I MISS YOU SO MUCHHHIEEE!
7.2 Photography

happy birthday debora

(this video took FOREVER to load: more than 2 hrs, that i have to leave comp on for it to load)
ANWS, debora dear. this is for you (:

i bet you're like .. "??? ..."
"... why."

"there's nth to see."

"... er. okkkay."
".. "

BUT. just wait for the other video, okie? (:
the video was taken on sept 18, 2008.
i didn't forget you birthday AT ALL. seriously didn't.
and i hope you recieved my birthday wishes thru the sky/air/nature LOL.
but seriously though.
i thought of you and (: ... thought of you more!!
hahar. just a little proof that i wasn't able to be on my computer that day.
so now im no longer in LA.
i drove back to san jose lo.

5.5hrs drive by myselfff!! (>.<') even though i kinda liked it. cus i get to sing like no other. lol. DEAR DEBORA! i received your voicemail. but i have no calling card so i cant call you until i gte one k? (: I LOVEEEE YOUUUU! ALOT.

Happy TwenTEEN (:

DA CRIB

so you know, we just moved in to our new room, and starting to make our home in it (:
*please understand that we just.. MOVED IN, so, hence, that clutter.
this is the view of my room from the door:

which one is cindy's bed?
which is esther's?
and which is charlene's?

well, yea. you guessed (right/wrong)! (:

Introducing ms sheep, from the saints in Singapore.

... and the cherry coke from mango.

and the VERY USEFUL STOOL from my dearest cousins..

and the IKEA desk put together by 2 dear sisters.

i thought of an equation while they were piecing and nailing and etc the wood and all:
2 sisters + willing hearts = 1 handy brother.

it wldn't be green if there was yellow.. (;

the cluttered closet, 50% in progress.

the really nice detail of this sweater that i love.

thank you, giver (:

[threeyellowbuttons]

l-i-s-t-e-n-i-n-g..

i miss my class. miss all the children. and their unique personalities.

=) my favourite 22months child.

was really hard saying goodbye.

*i can't post pictures of children from my intern site unless i got permission from their parents.

everyone was so precious to me.

each week, i have to submit 2 journal reports. 1) objective (observation and interpretation)

2) reflective (3-4pages)

through these journals, it made me bond with each and every child in the classroom.

each one has a different memory with me.

some who gave me a hard time helping them take their nap,

some who refuse to go for a diaper change,

some who hits other children,
some who bang their plates and throw rice all over the floor,

some who loved me singing 'itsy bitsy spider',

some who chased me all over for my camera (haha),

some who just wanted to be in my arms (* (= that's him!)

some who loved putting on my yellow crocs, (that's him, too!)

some who grabbed onto my legs and rested their head,

some who sit and listen to story telling,

some who tis and tat, this and that..! (:

anyways. i will apply myself for work-study at this childcare site in the winter. hope i get it (:

cus. im so close to most of the kids i just cant to be there to see them move on to the next milestone! it's really amazing. especially some children that i spent so much time with, soothing and comforting them, feeding milk bottles, nap time, diaper rash moments, ear infection moments,.. yea.

hrm.

you know. i got a job at this highschool as a tutor. LOL. seriously. no kidding.

i don't know why i did it, but now that i am going to be one (in the fall), it's scary.

cus.. it's just so scaryyy! my fears of being bullied (cus im so short, you know). my fears of being labelled a 'dorky asian girl'. lol. dangs.

ANWS. have to place my authority during tutoring sessions.

the director was telling me how these teens may/may not cross the line, and just want me to make sure that i draw the line between teachers and friends, yet, still, be their counsellor.

hrm.

*muse muse*

that's really scary. i mean, the thought of me, and them. sigh.

well, i get paid quite a sum for this though, (:

for sometime i've been thinking, and planning to open a business somehow.

like a small tiny one is fine. just.. anything.

i just.. really wanna be a young entrepreneur.

(;

and i need a serious partner.

am i too ambitious right here?

hrm.

just shared on Lord's table today.

just how busy and chaotic my summer has been, and i didn't have the chance to sit on the Lord's feet and listen to his word, and be filled with his life and his desire.

and then..

and then..

just enjoyed how we need to STOPPPPP everything. (that's right)

meaning: not complaining to the lord.

BUT, give thanksgiving to Him.

and, read His word, and listen.

(:

elaborate tmr!

(have to show you my new room! love it.)

yes, that's right. i've moved.